Lessons Learned X.0

Every now and then, I look back on the last year or whatever and write out a list of lessons learned. It's not usually too specific. Sometimes these are lessons I've learned recently. Sometimes they're lessons that I learned long ago, and something happened recently that reminded me of the lesson. Anyway, here's what I got this time.

In no particular order of importance:

1. When it comes to relationships, sometimes you have to choose between being happy and being right. You see, "right" is a fluid concept. And in a relationship, on issues where it's possible for two people to see things differently, both people think they're "right". And so…both people are right…and wrong. Each person has their way of doing things. If each person insists on being right and holding on to "their way", nobody is going to be happy. Let me tell you, people…THIS is the definition….the very precipice of compromise. So…be "right" or be happy. Sometimes you can't have both.

The more you know…

2. Modern contraception and medicine are good for your sexual health. Condoms are good. Birth control is as well. And condoms and birth control together will hopefully keep you from needing modern medicine. But absolutely NOTHING beats discretion…and I'm not talkin' about creepin' (no T-Boz). Sure condoms make it possible for one to f*ck (or get f*cked by) those who have the most unsavory of moral standards, yet the most appetizing physique. And sure, chances are, you'll enjoy the ride of your life without suffering the sting of an STD or an unwanted pregnancy. Probably. But then again…condoms break, don't they. And whore's are nasty. And unwanted baby's mamas can be nastier. So…choose wisely, yeah?

3. If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right and doing BIG. The older I get, the more I see why my parents got annoyed when I would half-ass things as a kid. Don't get me wrong…there's an appropriate time for half-assedness. Like if you're doing something that you don't really want to do, that also won't benefit you. Yes, in that case, by all means, half-ass that sh*t. No need to put too much effort into rinsing out the garbage can or some nonsense like that. But if you're going on vacation, GO on vacation. Don't go to Hawaii and book a room at a Best Western. Don't give half-assed head. And for God sakes, season/marinate your meats the night before you BBQ.

4. Keeping score only satisfies (read: dissatisfies) YOU. This is especially the case in a relationship. I have a homegirl that keeps track of how many times her boyfriend washes dishes vs the amount of times she washes them. She makes sure they split meals evenly throughout the week. And if she sees things aren't "even", she bitches about it. It annoys the hell out of him…I know because he's told me. And he resents her. And resentful people retaliate. At the end of the day, he's not happy…and neither is she. F*ck the score. Do you.

5. Honey is sticky…no matter where you put it on your body. And it takes days to find it all (don't ask). But you know who finds it immediately? Bees. Trust me.

6. You no longer have to be talented to be successful. You also don't have to be lucky. You only have to be willing to exploit yourself. Don't believe me? Ask Kim Kardashian, The Situation (of Jersey shore), and anyone who has been on Real World/Road Rules or any other reality show in the last 5 or 10 years. They've made more money than most of us will make in 1- years. And while money doesn't equal success, money does make success matter a lot less. So I ask you…why bother being good at anything? Dignity? Pride? Prestige?

7. Marriage is not the destination, it's the journey (just like sex). It's some people's goal to get married. Like, that's THE goal of a relationships in their opinion. I beg to differ. Sure, marriage is a goal…a milestone. But it should not be THE goal. The trip isn't over just because you got married. Getting married just means you're driving insured now. And you can do a lot more sh*t when you're insured. There's still plenty of traveling to do and enjoy. Like any journey, there are straight stretches, hills, beautiful scenery, unexpected curves and turbulence, rain, and some down-right scary towns in central Pennsylvania and West Virginia that you end up driving through, praying that the car doesn't break down. Don't sell yourself short on enjoying the journey of marriage by having a "well…this is it" attitude about it as if it's something terminal. So where are YOU going?

8. As some of y'all know, I like to cook. I think I've figured out why (besides the obvious desire to unleash my inner fat-boy on occasion). Cooking helps me deal with life, man. Dead serious. Cooking boils down to two things…patience and preparation. The perfect grilled chicken breast, for example, can't be forced. It's got to be seasoned/marinated early enough to have time to take the flavoring. When you cook it, you can't crank up the heat to speed up the process without burning the outside while the inside is still raw. You can't cook it for too long or it will dry out. It takes however long it takes. And ain't sh*t you can do about it. Just like in the kitchen, a lot of things in life are like that. They are what they are…they require what they require. And it's out of your control.

9. You have to believe in something…something that's real to you. I don't like to get entangled in the rubber-band ball that is our world's collective religious diversity. But I'll say this much: you have to operate under some code of beliefs. Maybe it's God for you, or Allah, Buddha, cause-and-effect, Vishnu, money, the golden rule, nature…I don't know…anything. But you better believe in something. Otherwise, what are you loyal to? What shapes your decision making?

10. And finally (for now, at least), dept is a bitch. I think I'm going to personally see to it that my kids finish college with zero debt. Admittedly, I've not yet figured out how I'm going to do this, seeing as how tuition will be at least twice what it is now and Advil will cost $20/per pill AND a pint of blood. But I swear, the deck is stacked against you when you have debt. I have a homegirl (28 years old) who lives in an apartment not far from Uptown Charlotte. Like, she can walk to a Panthers game…not that anyone would want to this year. It's only a one bedroom, but I'd bet money this place costs at least $1200/month. Oh, and when I say apartment, I don't mean 3 story wood building with brick and vinyl façade and outdoor entrance stairs. I'm talking about a concierge service, elevator man, door man, and parking garage. The sh*t looks like a hotel. In addition to that, she bought a jeep last year…outright. She went to a car dealership, test-drove a new vehicle, and wrote them a check for it. She went to college and grad-school out of state, and has no student loan debt. What this means, for you slow people, is that (assuming all salaries equal) she probably has about $1000/month more money in available funds than most people. Do you know how dangerous I would be if I had $1000/month to stack?...or invest? Do you know how much more house you could afford?...how much nicer of a neighborhood that could put you in? Do you know how much more traveling you could do? I don't know who financed her college years or what they had to do to finance it, but I do know that she's better positioned (financially) now than a lot of college grads will be 10 years from now. I should slap her. Bitch. Lol

Aight, that's it for me today. What have you learned recently, or what's something that you've been reminded of recently that you already knew?

Sonuvabitch, they rapin' errrbody out here!