That's Gay

For what it's worth, I seriously considered not posting this one. It's one of those subjects that you can't breach without offending someone. You can't really express your opinions about it without appearing homophobic or some sh*t. But I want to talk about it so…Oh well…f*ck it.

Is it just me, or do gay brothas seem to be getting…well, gayer?...and more plentiful, now that I think about it. I swear there are more flamboyant, gay, black men now than I can ever recall. And while I know it's not fair to search for a "reason why" to any and everything, I can't help but to wonder what's behind the surge. And I've come up with a few possible answers.

But before I get into that, let me make the obligatory statement: I'm not a homophobe. I have gay friends AND family, and I love them as much as my straight friends and family. I don't want to change them. I don't think they're abnormal. This is NOT a display of bigotry or heteronormativity. I'm just trying to understand.

If you know me, you've probably heard me say this before, but I can absolutely understand how a woman can be attracted to other women. It makes sense to me because women can see and acknowledge another woman's attractiveness and still be considered feminine. A woman can be turned on by another woman's sex appeal and still be considered feminine. And so it only makes sense that a woman can be attracted enough to another woman to engage in that other woman, physically, and still be considered feminine...by other women AND men. And even if that doesn't make her gay/lesbian (only curious, if not bisexual), it is more socially acceptable for a woman to have and express such desires physically. Thus is NOT the case for a male because if a male is attracted to other men, men don't consider him masculine. And I'd bet that women don't consider them masculine either. Which brings me to my first point:

1) Social acceptance: There used to be a certain degree of shame associated with being homosexual. That's a terrible thing, IMO, but that was the case. And so a homosexual male had more incentive to stay "in the closet" and less incentive to be "out". And those same men had even less incentive to be flamboyantly gay…particularly in the black community. Today, it is significantly more acceptable to be gay, even though there is still a bit of a stigma associated with the lifestyle. There are entire cities where it is visibly obvious that homosexuality is an acceptable lifestyle (Atlanta, I'm lookin' at YOU). I don't know that I've ever seen more flamboyantly gay black men in one place than I did the last time I was in Lenox Mall in Atlanta.

In addition to that, mainstream media has popularized (if not glamorized) homosexuality through television shows, movies and music. The publicly accessible homosexual male has come a long way, even from the early 90's and Pedro Zamora's "character" on The Real World San Francisco. The funniest sitcom on television in 2010 (Modern Family) features a gay male couple as two of the main characters, one of whom is played by an actual gay man. Before that, there was Will & Grace. And before that, there was Michael Boatman's character on Spin City…and so on.

2) We live in a "try-it" culture now that rivals the "free love" counterculture of the 1960's and 70's. Particularly when it comes to sex, it is stranger to NOT be willing to try different things than it is to be liberal (a complete turnabout from some previous generations). It appears that it's more conservative to be sexually liberal. This phenomenon does not limit itself to heterosexuality…or labels in general. For example, I know probably as many women who have at least made out with another woman as I do women who have only experimented with men. It only makes sense that this more acceptable brand of experimentation would sometimes result in a dude finding out that he likes taking dong up the ass (graphic, yeah?).

3) Again, particularly in the black community, there is a lack of male mentors in the home. How can I put this?...there are certain personality traits, mannerisms, dispositions common in children in general that we as a society define as or associate with femininity. There are several examples of this that I'll get into if asked, but the point is, when a male child exhibits these traits, an adult male (his father, traditionally) will likely attempt to "break him" from those habits. Call it a fear if you'd like, but the reason for this "breaking" is that the elder male assumes that by allowing this behavior to continue, the young male may end up viewed as less masculine than his peers. Mind you, "less masculine" does not necessarily equal "gay". But…it's further down the gay path, so to speak. The elder male (in his mind) is trying to embed his own understanding of male social acceptance into the child's mind, and thus (presumably) steering him towards a more masculine existence. In general, this steering works, IMO. Why? Because man make men, and thus men define manhood.

Today, a significant number of young men that we see between the ages of 15 and 30 were raised without that steering. In fact, there are a significant number of men in that age range who had the exact opposite of that steering. The "opposite" was likely in the form of the young males contracting a more feminine steering from mother, aunties, and sisters who may have inadvertently nurtured the "less masculine" behaviors I spoke about in the previous paragraph. The results: More (or at least more visible) effeminate males.

(Aside: I've noticed on the re-read that I can't even describe these guys as "men" in my writing…I've referred to them as "males"…evident of my own acceptance of a certain degree of the heteronormative construct.)

Anyway, those are a few of my initial thoughts. Obviously there's more to it than that. Again, this is not me saying (flamboyant) homosexuality among males (particularly black males) is right or wrong. I'm just presenting the topic. What do you guys think? Do you think there are more gay brothas out there than there used to be, or am I just imagining things? Do gay guys seem a bit gayer these days? Do you think the 3 reasons presented make sense?